So, as far as this semester goes, I shouldn't be stressed at all. I mean, I only have two classes right? How hard could it be to go to only one class a day and have my Fridays off?
So why am I sitting here in a sweaty pool of worry right now?
My classes are Advanced Fiction writing and Advanced Poetry writing. Both pretty fun. Both pretty work intensive, but enjoyable as far as the work extends. However, when you start to feel like you're a non-creative putz who cranks out cliche-ridden tripe then you end up like me. I'm second guessing myself constantly over this stuff.
For instance, on Thursday I have to bring in two poems to class: one of an author whose work I enjoy or aspire to, and one of my own. The idea is to give the group an idea of what kind of person they're dealing with. And I cannot make any sort of decision. I have a bunch of old pieces that I'll take out, look at, stress over, and then put down without any sort of decision. It's a vicious cycle.
Fiction is not quite as bad. The professor is someone who has read my writing before and enjoyed it so I feel a little less worried about it. But I am still stressed. What if I can't come up with anything?
To top it all off, the classes that I'm enrolled in also contain a large number of arrogant, self-absorbed folks who will loudly extoll the quality of their own work. Usually that means its crap, and this is often the case. But they make me doubt myself, and whats worse, they make me worry that I'm being a jerk. That maybe I'm really the arrogant one?
I don't know. I'm going to go to bed, and hopefully I'll feel better in the morning.
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I think you're very brave for even enrolling in those classes. I'd be terrified.
In my opinion you can only ignore the loud mouths. They'll always be there, they'll always be loud and they'll always get more attention. Your more important concern is to be true to yourself.
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