That's right baby, alienate me. Alienate me hard.

Today is a day of fascinatingly bad haircuts and disturbingly bad smells at the bookstore. Both on people.

Anyway, Happy Father's day if that is your deal or if you have a father who you feel gets it. I think thats a fair portion of them and I know my dad will be receiving all the kudos he deserves. I picked up a pretty nice gift for him and when he comes up to visit on Friday, I'll be treating him to a movie.

Why is it that some people at customer service jobs think I have nothing going on other than to listen to them? Granted, at this moment I'm standing at the information desk typing a blog, which implies that, yes, I'd love to listen to your stupid, boring story. But no. Not really. And for some reason, there are a large number of customers who just want to talk your bloody ear off. This could be for any number of reasons.

Some of them, I pity. It's clear that they're lonely. Usually these are older folks who probably don't have much in the way of family around still. Unfortunately, it becomes harder to pity them once you throw out a nugget of interest and they latch onto it like a piece of grass to an ant in a rainstorm. I have actually been followed around the store and almost into the back room while I tried to escape.

Then there are the others. These vary from just average nutjobs to creepy heavy-breathers (I've never gotten any but my female co-workers say they're here) to my least favorite and most omnipresent: Professors, retired or otherwise. Thats what I get for living in a college town. These folks just love to listen to the sound of their own voice. That's not to say that they might not be lonely; I think that's a factor too. But the worst part is that they still don't have anything interesting to say. It could be interesting if they discussed their specialization, but no, usually I just get a story of their family or the time they went fishing and fell through the ice.

Now I do see the irony here, don't worry. I'm writing in a blog, a self-centered monologue that a lot of people might not see the attraction in (we all know I have at least the one detractor) but the difference here is this: You can stop reading. You don't have to suffer my rambles. Whereas, me, standing behind the customer service desk, am forced to hear the gory details of how you caught e.coli from sitting in a hot tub that a baby had pooped in. And I have to act like I give a damn.

So please, next time you're talking to a clerk and you see their eyes glaze over while the smile stays pasted on their face? Just pick up your bag, say have a nice day, and leave. We are paid to help you, not to like you.

The Bluebird of Happiness

So working at the mall, I see a lot of really incredibly awkward displays of public affection. There are things that you need to keep to yourself, your partner, and the bed you're mussing up. But a lot of people don't.

Now, since I prefaced this by saying that I work at the mall, you'd assume that I'm most likely going to elaborate on infatuated teens groping each other in the magazine aisle. And for the most part, you'd be right. But occasionally, you'll come across a thirty or forty year old couple who thinks it's perfectly ok to dry-hump their way around the store. I've gotta say, we really don't like seeing that.

Take the other day, a couple came in and were browsing. We later had to kick this same couple out for being belligerent, but that's beside the point. The point is that this couple was the type where his-probably-aroused-junk was firmly implanted into her tightly be-pantsed rear end for the entire time they were in the store. For Christ's sake, they kissed goodbye when they went in the restroom.

How is that ok?!

I've been in relationships where I'm very happy and I want everyone to know I'm happy. Usually, I may indicate this with a smile and perhaps by holding her hand in public, maybe an arm around her waist. If I'm particularly daring? A kiss. But not a long term sloppy make-out session. That is best kept for the bedroom. And that is where all sexplay should be kept.

I'd really like to stop coming across entwined couples in the poetry corner.

I am resplendent

So is there some note I missed out here on the internet? Some tweet or twit or whatever? Did it say, 'Hey, if Lincoln is digging on you, make sure you are not single?' Jeez.

Anyway, things are all well and good on this end. I have a job, I have time to write when I'm at home, and I'm reading an immense amount. I'm playing fetch with Cheshire as I type this. Honestly, does anyone else out there have a cat that does this? Not only will he play fetch, he will play it for hours. He seems to believe he is a canine. Or maybe he's just stupid.

Like that duck.

No, that's not a Monkey Island(tm. ha.) reference, though it could be. But no, at work, next to our loading dock, a female mallard has decided that it's a good spot for her to nest. And this is in a heavily trafficked mall. Next to a loading dock. Where semis and heavy vehicles park several times a day. So while we're feeding her at the moment, bringing out some bird seed and keeping an eye on the ornamental grasses she's hiding behind, we're hoping that once the four or five eggs she's chilling on hatch, we'll be able to have someone come in and move her. The father of one of my co-workers is a DNR guy so we're hoping he'll help out.

Ow.

A few minutes ago, I went to do some sit ups, put my arm out and managed to get stung by a dead bee, right on the finger. I'm guessing that one of my cats dragged the corpse out and left it pleasantly where I could stab myself on it's stinger. Bugger.

God, my writing as far as these entries go is strictly mediocre. I am working on a poem, inspired I suppose partially by the Monkey Island (tm) announcement. So here we go, as I sign off and get my bottom to bed.



Personalized Enemies

There isn’t a time I can remember when
that mast wasn’t outside my window, tall ship
moorings worn from the same thick rope, flag
tattered into cheesecloth. She
lowered the mainsails years back, before I grew
up and her captain has been drinking in the
downstairs bar from August of that year. When I
go down to the docks, I look at her, thinking that
this time her sailors might be there, but the
barnacles are just tighter, as if they’re filling in the
gaps that form between her ribs with age. The boards
are bleaching, skeletal whale bone wood, as the tar drips
from each summer’s sun. Her bosun, as well as
the rats that creep from portholes at night, have
told me of a thing that chased them for years, focused
on her skipper, and tearing the ship down around him.
He drowns in rum but those sober moments, I still see
flashes in his eyes, yellow like a woman’s dress, green
summer storms
as he raises another glass and tips it back. Outside, the
groans of wind drawn ropes echo against the wall,
pushing to get inside.

"How appropriate. You fight like a cow."

Ok this is going to be a short post, because its mostly me geeking out over something I could not possibly be more excited about. Today, Lucasarts announced that they'll be doing a HD/voice acted/new music redux of their classic adventure game, 'The Secret of Monkey Island', and that Tell-Tale games, the brilliant studio behind the new 'Sam and Max' and 'Strong Bad' games will be releasing a new five part episodic adventure, 'Tales of Monkey Island'. I own all the previous games in this series and had pretty well given up on a new one. And now, let the geeking out begin.

MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!
MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!
MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!
MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!!MONKEY ISLAND! MONKEY ISLAND!! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONKKKKKKEYYYYYYYYYYY ISSSSLANNNNDDDDD!!!

Thank you.