I've been noticing this worse lately.
I have a build-up of want in me. This has taken many forms over the years, from secret lusting for the girl two lockers down to a desire to buy every new video game that gets a decent review. I used to be able to control this.
Now, judging from the credit card debt incurred, I'm no longer able to.
I'm getting older. As I do, and stay mired in minimum wage, just-above-poverty-level jobs, I see the progress of my friends and peers around me. They're getting real jobs, forming lasting relationships with spouses and significant others, and most relevantly, settling down. And in doing this settling down they are putting out money for houses, televisions, amenities.
And I can't.
I shouldn't react in the childish way that I have and I honestly don't think it was conscious, but my sheer consumption has picked up recently. Every new CD that vaguely intrigued me, a Nintendo 3DS, video games, books, all were purchased on mild whims. That's not to say they aren't things I haven't enjoyed thoroughly, just things that I could have lived without.
How do we solve this?
If I were younger, I'd probably say some bullshit about how it wasn't really my fault and that I just had self-control, depression, and anxiety issues. Some of that is still true. But now I have to take responsibility for most of it, and let the other fall on the fuckstorm of a capitalist culture we live in.
I'm Buddhist, mostly. But I'm also an aggressive consumer. And I'm reading 'No Logo' by Naomi Klein. So what do I listen to, the precepts against consumption, my love of media, or the fact that brands and corporations are evil dog-sucking leeches?
Moderation, or to borrow the Buddhist lingo, the middle way. I have to cut back, still enjoy myself, and try to avoid padding the pockets of too many evil tax-dodging owms.
Which is why I'm writing this in the back room at work. Take that society.